


The Usage of "I Love You"

by zquinto



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-25 10:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1645379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zquinto/pseuds/zquinto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(or, alternatively, "The Five Times Jim Kirk said 'I love you' to Spock and the one time he meant it")<br/>Jim Kirk has a habit of saying "I love you" when he doesn't mean it. And then he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Usage of "I Love You"

**Author's Note:**

> My hand slipped and I accidentally wrote another 5 + 1 fic.

1.

_"I love you."_

Jim is sitting in the chair tucked into his desk, which is cluttered with various reports and incoming transfers and multiple papers involving their upcoming mission towards Hortus V, a grassy planet which the  _Enterprise_ is expected to sign a treaty with. The time is 0200, and the captain has deep bags underneath his eyes whilst his body is slouched in his chair. He also is lacking the top half of his clothing, and a nearly completed beer bottle is settled next to a significant pile of PADDs at the corner of his desk.

As expected, a captain is required to complete numerous logs and accounts each day, and he is also in charge of handling most information transferred from the admiralty. In addition, all ensigns requesting a station aboard the  _Enterprise_ must go through the captain's approval first, and all command track officers must undergo a second screening from the captain himself. He is required to complete a captain's log and a personal log each evening, and before each day he must create a schedule for the day, especially for days in which there is an away team. Specifically regarding the work on Hortus V, he must additionally conjure a list of crewmen to beam down, weighing their strengths and weaknesses when regarding alien races. He also must come up with a general plan for himself involving the set up of the relations for the crew's day on Hortus V, seeing as a treaties were vital to the Federation and a single mishap could result in a serious problem.

Commander Spock is located parallel to his captain, arms behind his back with his hands clasped loosely. His back is ramrod, whilst his eyes are questioning. His eyebrows have seemingly disappeared behind those dark bangs, and he seems perfectly awake despite the time. He has permitted himself to wear his black undershirt while under speculation of another person, which causes a large amount of self consciousness but the captain appears too tired or grateful to care.

Spock has just offered to complete the remainder of the captain's paper work, which is 63.59 percent of it, Spock judges by the surface area of the reports scattered across the desk. Vulcans do not require as much sleep as humans do, and despite his human ancestry, the Commander can work with a 97.78 percent efficiency while still only obtaining four hours of sleep. The doctor insists otherwise, though Spock himself has made the calculations. 

Spock has already completed all of his work a standard hour earlier, seeing as he was denying sleep for the time being. Upon hearing his captain tripping over the corner of his bed and hearing a slur of colorful cusses, Spock elected to assist his superior officer, seeing as the captain would only complete his own work with a 31.25 efficiency rating. Though Spock obtains both the first officer and science officer positions, he can quite easily complete of all the required work before he must resign to bed, or settle into meditation.

It is, of course, only logical, Spock informs himself. It is also a first officer's job to ensure that his captain is safe and well, and getting only seven hours of sleep because of work is simply not acceptable. He is not assisting as a friend, merely as a part of his job. Spock would not stoop to such levels of unprofessionalism, he reminds himself.

_"I love you."_

"I love you, I love you, thank you  _so_ much, I swear I'll make it up to you, alright? Thank you, thank you, thank you."

The captain is standing now, and he is approaching. Spock feels his stomach turning, and he decides to disregard the prior comments about love, due to his captain's slightly intoxicated state and the fact that he is running on the barest amount of sleep that he possibly can. Despite this, the captain is moving quickly and suddenly he is hugging Spock, strong arms encasing the Vulcan in a tight grip that seems nearly impossible to get out of. Spock's face contorts into one of horror, and also uncovers that his captain has forgotten personal boundaries at this time as well. The captain is apparently a very good hugger, and Jim is suddenly burrowing his face into the crook of the Commander's neck tightly, sighing into the black cloth and smiling. Spock continues to keep himself as ramrod as he possibly can.

"Thank you," is what is muttered into the dark fabric for the fourth time in the past minute, completed by the captain clumsily removing himself from the Vulcan's body and looking sheepish for a moment. "Sorry, uh," he manages, apparently coming to the realization that he just hugged his first officer whilst lacking a shirt. "I should probably go to sleep."

"I concur that rest would be most beneficial for your motor functions," the commander replies, nodding pristinely and taking a gentle step backwards. Jim licks his lips mindlessly as he once-overs the Vulcan, which Spock himself ignores and stares straight ahead.

"Yeah," Jim says, snapping himself out of it and leading both of them towards the door. It opens, and Spock takes a single, strong stride out of the room. As the door closes, the Vulcan can hear the struggled final comment.

"Forget that I said all of that."

 

2. 

_"I love you."_

Jim is leaning against one of the flimsy walls within the muddy structures of Hortus V, sweat dripping down his brow. The planet is a total of twenty degrees hotter than Terra's average summer temperature, creating a perfectly normal environment for Spock yet a heat unbearable for the humans within the crew. To make matters worse, they are required to wear their long sleeved dress uniforms, which are both incredibly itchy and created with a fabric that is far too thick for easy breathing of the skin. Jim has his hair pushed back, while directly in between his eyebrows are droppings of sweat that Spock finds the unusual need to wipe off. He resists, and calmly stands straight.

Relations with the Hortos, which is what the inhabitants insisted they are called, were less than pleasant. Jim will inform the admiralty that they were average, of course, yet the extra sweat and tiredness in the captain's eyes says otherwise. Despite their deep intelligence, the Hortos are incredibly stubborn and apparently formed their own list of demands prior to the meeting with the  _Enterprise._

Jim is talented in diplomacy, most likely due to his stunning eyes and alluring grin that can cast anyone under his magnificent spell, sans a few races who are able to control their disgraceful urges. Even if the head of the other alien race does not fall for his charms, he has a certain talent in talking his way out of things, or convincing others that he is indubitably correct, without specifically stating that they are wrong. It is an admirable trait, and may have been one of the reasons that he was awarded captaincy, other than a different cadet. Either way, he held his position well.

Though Jim is well versed in diplomacy, the Hortos were undeniably impossible and insufferable, and even Spock felt his patience coming to an end. In addition, the translator was not entirely completed - though the language was similar to that of the Orions in a number of ways, many words were incorrect and sentences sounded stilted and peculiar. The entire ordeal was a long one.

Despite the Commander's previous assistance in helping his captain the night beforehand, he had outwardly assisted once again while on Hortus. Though he does have his limits, he finds more patience to deal with such races. It takes over five hours simply to engage in negotiations, an hour in the middle wherein there was a dispute, and another three to finally decide on a treaty. Both teams decided that the official signing ceremony would begin the following evening, though Hortus' days were sixty two hours long.

Jim Kirk, over the course of his lifetime, has done many stupid things. One of these stupid things may have been accidentally brushing against what appeared to be the upper shoulder of a male inhabitant, which was apparently and erogenous zone which thusly resulted in a large sum of infuriated upper class Hortos, angered at why the captain of the Federation ship was attempting to get to second base with an innocent citizen. Spock, in all of his Vulcan demeanor, managed to politely explain while Jim fumbled with his words and tripped over his phrases whilst his cheeks turned a vivid pink color.

The duo is now standing directly outside of the conference room, while Jim looks more exhausted than ever. He's already unbuttoning his dress shirt, which is entirely improper, and he's practically panting under the heat. Spock stands still.

_"I love you."_

"Fucking thank you for that. I would've been screwed ten times over without your stepping in, anyway, and Starfleet would've had my head knowing that I tried to have 'intimate relations' with some fucking aliens. Seriously, thank you." 

Spock does not believe that the captain would have 'been screwed ten times over' if he had not said anything to the Hortos, though he does not protest. This is the second time that his captain has said "I love you" in the past twenty four hours, which he mulls over for a moment. The concept of love, to humans, is quite different than that of Vulcans. There is friendship love, which is most perfectly shown between the doctor and the captain. There is romantic love, the kinds of which the Commander previously felt with Lieutenant Uhura, which he had ended due to her requests to show emotion and his requirement for Vulcan austerity. There is parental love, and almost-parental love - such as the likes of the relationship between the captain and the late Admiral Pike. There were other types of love, too - brotherly love, physical love, self love, and others that are endlessly mystifying to the Commander. He ensures himself that his captain was referencing friendship variation of love, and disregards it.

"Spock?" The captain says as he runs his callused hands through his hair tiredly. He appears to be exasperated, as well as thoroughly exhausted and disappointed in himself. "I didn't, uh, mean - " the captain shakes his head, whether it is a way to say "no" or simply to clear his head is unknown to Spock. "Sorry," he eventually manages. "I've, you know, had a rough day. You have too, I guess." The captain, Spock has observed, tends to stutter when nervous. His face is turning bright red. "Uh, yeah. You wanna go back to the ship?" He winces. "I mean, I'm going back to the ship. You can come."

The captain runs off after that, making himself appear as casual as he can while hop-skipping towards the beaming area. By the time he is out of Spock's hearing range, he can be seen flipping open his communicator and thusly disappearing. Spock chooses not to comment.

 

3.

_"I love you."_

Following the mission on Hortus, the Enterprise was sent on a mission, one of which the captain called a milk run. It would be a simple, half day journey towards Starbase 19 and then the ship would travel over to a planet, Siccae III, to assist in the lack of uncontaminated plants on the planet, which was located on the border to the Neutral Zone. It would be fairly easy, the admiralty promised, though Jim continued to groan at the dullness of it before they even reached the starbase.

A team of sixteen, including eight security officers, the captain, Doctor McCoy, and various scientists were beamed down. They were equipped with transformative devices that are able to zero on on contaminating materials within all basic forms of life and eliminate the substance to leave the subject clean once again. The planet is fairly small, and the job would, of course, be easy enough to complete within a half an hour's time.

Commander Spock was in charge of watching the ship. He does not enjoy taking command positions, despite the fact that he is the first officer - he prefers to assist, rather than lead, in such decisions. The captain beaming down made him feel atypically uneasy, despite all signs that the planet was perfectly peaceful and the inhabitants were not strong enough to hurt the team in any way.

It was only when a hoard of Klingons appeared and began open fire on the crew was when the commander had a true reason for worry, especially with the scratchy communicator voice informing him that two security officers and one scientist had been fatally shot and were loosing blood at alarming rates. Commander Spock, despite the captain's male pride, abruptly beamed him and the remaining crewmen aboard.

The doctor informed him over the device that the captain was, too, wounded, and required heavy assistance. This mere thought sends Commander Spock into a state of disarray and alarm.

However, the captain is now standing before the commander on the beaming pad. His eyes are half lidded and he is leaning heavily on Doctor McCoy, who is standing next to him with an expression conveying both exasperation and deep worry. The captain's shirt appears to have ripped in multiple places, and his hair is tousled with red dots in various clumps. Both the doctor and the captain are grasping onto Jim's lower midsection, and there are deep red stains around where their hands are applying pressure. Other crewmen surrounding them look less worried, but more frazzled; their breathing is heavy and their eyes are wide.

The captain leans on McCoy fully, almost collapsing. The doctor begins shouting out orders for a biobed, or a medical team, or medical supplies because Jim appears to be suffering from extreme blood loss and will certainly not survive if he continues. Jim forces McCoy and himself to stumble towards the commander, and Jim uses his remaining hadn to pat the Vulcan on his hard shoulder. Spock does not move.

_"I love you."_

This is the third time Captain Kirk has said those identical three words to him, and he has still not come up with a proper response. Simply ignoring it is gnawing at the back of his brain. 

He cannot think now, however, because a medical team is entering the transporter room and there is great yelling and shouting, mostly from the chief medical officer, while he forces four other officers onto various holo beds while also petting Jim's hair with a comforting gentleness, which Spock was not aware the doctor could possess. Remaining officers, McCoy shouts, are confined to their quarters for further notice until he can patch up their smaller injuries, which will not take a long period of time.

McCoy pushes past him while holding onto Jim's holo bed. The captain mumbles out a slur of unintelligible words, one the likes that Spock cannot begin to decipher, unlike his previous statement. Spock is given a dirty look from the doctor, though they are both aware that the commander will end up at Jim's bedside once all major operations have complete their course. 

Spock disregards the "I love you" and goes to shift.

 

4.

_"I love you."_

The captain and his first officer's relationship has undergone two solid years of going from enemies to friends, and closer than that. This prospect puzzled Spock as he sat at the chess game eleven minutes ago, confused by both the relationship between himself and Jim as well as the latter's chess strategy, which is highly irrational and seems to have no pattern. 

Coming to the realization that the affection that he felt for his captain was more than simply that of friendship had been a long, arduous process. It included much denial of Spock's own emotions and curiosity as to whether his feelings were reciprocated, as well as a period of closing off his captain for fear of revealing his feelings and later an unprofessional clinginess that left the commander jumping at every chance he got to spend more and more time with his superior. Exhibit A of this was presented by the chess game they had been playing.

Spock first felt romantic adoration with Nyota Uhura, whom he still regards as a friend, and she had helpfully guided him through the nuances of human romance. Unlike Spock's prior belief, wooing was done quietly, and began with friendship that slowly evolved into a romantic affliction. She was the first and only person Commander Spock informed of his mystifying feelings towards the captain. 

Sex is treated very differently than on Vulcan. It is a casual object of humans, brought up jokingly during a calm conversation and often laughed about. Vulcans take the concept much more seriously, and only engage in coitus once every seven years, as to keep up a healthy population. The whole concept of  _Pon Farr_  is kept under heavy lock and key, scarcely discussed and a sacred tradition. Sex is, overall, a subject not to be brought up.

Humans, at least a large portion of them, thrive on sex. It is quite astounding at how much it is necessary for the health of a human, especially a male. It is also quite astounding at how quickly sex can come along.

Precisely eleven minutes ago, Commander Spock was stuck in a mildly pleasant, professional relationship with his captain. As one does, he made himself close with his superior, which was especially required for their situation because Spock  _may_ have choked his captain one time, that one time ages ago, but they've seemed to forgotten their responsibilities and are engaging in a friendship for not professional reasons, but for each other's company. Jim invites Spock to chess games, Spock invites Jim to chess games, and they dance around each other in a far too platonic way, ensuring that they do not cross either one's limits.

Of course, then there was ten minutes ago.

The transition from the Jim Kirk smiling cockily after he had just beaten Spock in chess to the commander kissing him against the wall was a very swift one, though neither of them seemed to be complaining. Soon clothing was pooled at their feet and they were settled on the bed, which was both surprising and entirely pleasant. 

Suddenly they are both vertical, with the captain lying on the bed as Spock kisses up and down his body with odd finesse and tenderness, gently pressing his mouth against the smooth expanse of hairless skin beneath him. He has never engaged in sexual relations with a male, though he does not inform his bed partner of this.

When Spock manages to trail down to Jim's fully erect dick, the action of wrapping his mouth around Jim elicits a large amount of satisfied groans and begging whimpers, infused with crude curses and various encouragements. The commander continues his actions with as much skill as he can must, considering that he has never attempted to engage in oral sex with a man before in his lifetime, yet he is hearing enough content sounds further up on the bed to believe that he must be doing at least a satisfactory job.

Then, of course, Spock hears the three wretched words leave his captain's overexcited mouth and he freezes his actions.

_"I love you."_

He is fairly sure by this point that he and his captain have passed the limit of purely platonic friendship, and have entered the realms of a romantic relationship, which is thrilling and alarming. However, from what he has studied of Terran culture, the act of stating that one loves another does not occur until the relationship has undergone at least a month, if not longer. He is, of course, not very well versed in the art of romance. He contemplates his next action for a moment too long, because the captain sits up abruptly and the commander can tell that he's worried from their skin-to-skin contact in various places. He removes himself from Jim and looks at those blue eyes.

"Uh, Spock," Jim says, managing to string together a mostly fluid phrase while fully hard and incredibly naked. "You, uh, y'know, human males, when they're having sex, it's like - "

Jim is cut off by Spock's mouth covering his dick again, which successfully stops him from making the moment more uncomfortable. He does not desire to discuss romance and love with his captain at this time, because he is fairly sure that lust and love are very different things. Love is a deep affection, dictionaries inform him, whilst lust is an extremely strong sexual desire; the two can be interconnected, yet should not be discussed whilst one action is taking place. As such, sexual encounters are not brought up when a sensual and romantic moment is taking place, and vice versa. 

Spock simply makes Jim come and hopes they're alright.

 

5.

_"I love you."_

The  _Enterprise_ is stationed around a large planet, under the title Clari, which is a phenomenon to the federation. The celestial body appears to produce a large amount of light, similar to that of Earth's sun, yet inhabitants on the planet seem unaffected by the constant heat from the innards of the planet. It required a large ship equipped with a well educated science team to visit, and the  _Enterprise_ appeared to be the perfect choice. The crew was to begin their investigations at beta shift that day.

The planet can be seen out of the commander's window, shining a brilliant blue through the thick non-glass to keep out the dangers of space. The window extends from the Vulcan's bookshelf, which obtains holovids of his mother and artifacts from his home planet, to the other side of the room where the door that leads to his bathroom begins that leads into the captain's quarters. The stars seem to dim around the planet to allow it to glow with its full power.

The crew is just awakening, and alpha shift starts in two minutes. Many officers are in the process of consuming their breakfast, or heading towards their station, or drying themselves off to quickly step into clothing. Morning shifts often work in this manner; sometimes officers leaving lovers in bed to continue with their work, or sometimes officers finally being able to work after a sleepless, lonely evening. 

Spock does not have alpha shift this morning, however; he has beta and gamma, yet he does not possess the earliest shift of the day. He often requests to take the time, as to allow his fellow officers more sleep, yet on occasional days he is not permitted such and must attempt to sleep for a longer period of time.

Spock is, however, leaning against the large glass window that displays the vivid Clari behind him a mug of replicated tea wrapped between his slender fingers in a protective grasp. He is wearing the Starfleet regulation sleeping trousers, though he lacks a shirt. His hair has yet to be combed, yet he does not feel the need to change just yet.

His captain is in the first officer's quarters, pulling on a yellow shirt and scurrying about the room to regather himself. The covers that they were both under a few minutes ago are still warm from their bodies, and the freshness of their relationship is still settling in. Spock inwardly thanks himself for not mentioning anything that his captain moaned last evening. Jim has shoved half of a breakfast pastry into his mouth as he scurries about to look for PADDs.

As the captain approaches him, cheerily shouts those three words that haunted him last night, and kisses the Vulcan on the cheek, Spock freezes.

_"I love you."_

He cannot, however, make a comment, and he cannot sense how Jim is feeling because the captain immediately turns away, almost tripping over his own foot, and squeezes out the doorway towards the bridge for his first shift.

This time, Spock makes no attempts to understand what "I love you" means in this situation. He simply meditates to keep it off his mind.

 

\+ 1

_"I love you."_

The mission did not go according to plan.

The admiralty had sent a message to the  _Enterprise,_ informing them that they were to visit a close by planet, Vulnerat, to decide whether it was fit to relocate a race with a dying home. It was merely a Class M planet, fairly calm with large expanses of pink ocean, and supposedly uninhabited. It would be an easy task, simply scope out the land and the plant life, and thusly beam aboard the ship.

Despite the fact that Captain Kirk is an insistent man who dislikes the concept of anyone but himself beaming down, Spock logically convinced him that it would merely be sensical to allow him to beam down with his own team of scientists, and no security officers. After half an hour of arguing in transporter room 3 with Mr. Scott and the scientists standing two yards away, Jim sighed defeatedly and allowed them to beam down, making a specific point that if they failed to check in every ten minutes, he was beaming down himself. Despite this, Spock was shot an affectionate smile and a gentle brush of fingers before he was beamed down. 

The first two check-ins were met appropriately, with the commander exasperatedly informing the captain that yes, he was alright, and yes, the entire crew was as well. The third, however, was not.

Discovering an abnormal pathway in the middle of a supposedly uninhabited planet, of course, sparked innocent exploration in Lieutenant Gillian and the remainder of the small sciences team. It was not until the small band reached an extremely tall building made of vastly superior materials such as plastic and glass variants when they began suspecting the true origins of the planet. Then Ensign Ore was shot in their left calf with a weapon that was certainly not Federation, and then the team started running.

Seeing as Spock had the superior strength, he threw the young officer over his shoulder and, of course, began sprinting. He could not properly catalogue the creatures tailing them, yet from the quick glances,he saw short, vivid orange creatures with at least three extra limbs than a humanoid and a set of eyes both on their heads and flatly on their stomachs. He did not particularly desire to look at them afterwards, however.

Another science officer, Lieutenant Kata, was shot in the lower back alarmingly close to her spine, yet Spock had no time to count the number of officers following him because he was simply attempting to assure that the ensign in his arms survived. His head was spinning with an alarming lack of control, and he shakily spoke into the communicator to inform the captain that no, the team was not alright and yes, there was a team of murderous aliens after them.

Gunshots tailed them, and Jim shouted in the communicator that he would be beaming them up as soon as he possibly could with a worried jitter in his voice. Spock continued to run, as expected, dodging stray pieces of branches or leaves. He was running as fast as he possibly could.

Then he was turning around to check the status of the aliens, and then he was shot in the chest. 

Then everything turned hazy.

Then everything turned black.

Spock awoke sixteen hours later, his internal clock informed him, in medical bay with Doctor McCoy looming over him, instantly notifying him that Ensign Ore was in perfect health and that "you're damn lucky that your Vulcan physiology is set up in that screwed up way with your heart down in your stomach, or else you'd be fuckin'  _dead,_ I swear to god". The doctor then moved slightly to the left to reveal the captain, arms folded nervously behind him with a sheepish smile on his face and bags under his eyes that displayed a sleepless night the day beforehand. McCoy sulked off muttering something about Jim being a mushy idiot.

"Hey," Jim had said, his voice gentle and quiet as he tentatively took a step forward and softly took Spock's face-up hand in his own.

"Hello, Jim," Spock replied, raising an eyebrow with a hint of a grin behind his seemingly cold exterior.

The captain appeared to let out a breath that he was holding. "I'm glad you're alright," he muttered, rubbing gentle circles in the Vulcan's palm as he gazed at nothing in particular. His hair was ruffled, as was his uniform, and Spock made the deduction that the captain had spent many hours seated in a Sickbay chair whilst he awaited for the Vulcan to awaken. This was a peculiarly heartwarming thought.

"I, too, am glad that I am well enough to continue duties."

"Spock," Jim said, taking his commander's hand up to his face and placing a gentle kiss onto it. "I missed you."

Then, Jim utters those three simple words.

_"I love you."_

This time, Spock knows he means it.

**Author's Note:**

> The planet titles come from Latin, (Hortus = Garden, Siccae = Dry, Clari = Bright, Vulenerat = It wounds) because I'm a nerd. I am also in no way claiming that I have any idea how anything within the Star Trek universe works.


End file.
